BREAKING UP IS NOT BAD, JUST PAINFUL

We’re taught that separation from the one we love means failure. That if love was real, it would have lasted.

But the moment we label separation as bad, resistance takes root—shaping the relationship with fear, control, and manipulation. Clinging to love only makes it slip further away. The tighter the grip, the less space love has to breathe.

Attachment leads to suffering. And ironically, it’s this very attachment that lowers the chances of the relationship truly working.

A relationship’s purpose is not to fill a void, but to wake us up.

  • speak about what is love. society’s definition, unconditional love.

  • speak about what relationships are; healing of guilt and blame.

  • we don’t really want the best for the other, unless we let go of jealousy. Otherwise we’re afraid of them becoming the best version of themselves because we can lose them.

BEYOND GUILT AND BLAME

At the heart of guilt and blame is a lie—the belief in personal doership. The idea that we, or the other, are in control of thoughts and actions. But in reality, every action, every response, every choice unfolds based on genes and conditioning—a lifetime of experiences shaping each moment.

Believing the other is responsible for my pain leads to blame.
Believing I am responsible for the other’s pain leads to guilt.

Relationships seem perfectly designed to pull together people with complementary wounds. Until we become free, most of us are either dominated by guilt or blame—two sides of the same illusion.

  • The guilt-dominant person takes on the weight of every problem, doubts themselves, and feels responsible for the other’s suffering.

  • The blame-dominant person projects pain outward, convinced the other is at fault, resisting self-reflection.

Until we heal, attraction seems to pull these two together—guilt seeks blame, blame seeks guilt. And yet, in this dynamic, there is a hidden opportunity for healing:

Healing happens through forgiveness, putting love before fairness, and letting go of resentment.

For the guilt-dominant, healing means realizing:
➤ It’s not their fault.
➤ Pain being delivered through them doesn’t mean they’ve done wrong.
➤ If no one controls the pleasure and pain given or received, guilt has no ground to stand on.

For the blame-dominant, healing means realizing:
➤ The other is not at fault for their suffering.
➤ Pain being delivered through the other is not their doing.
➤ Through love, through forgiveness, through seeing clearly—blame drops.

And in the absence of guilt and blame, what’s left is love, free from illusion.

They are the opposite sides of the coin of duality, showing up everywhere—the worry of losing financial security, the panic of an uncertain future, the gut-wrenching anxiety over health.. the desperate need to hold onto the people, things and experiences we love, the attachment to pleasure, the clinging to what feels safe.

Pain—emotional or physical—is not suffering. It becomes suffering only when the mind ties it to the story of ’ME’ and labels it ‘bad’, creating resistance. That’s why watching a sad, even tragic movie can be an enjoyable experience —because there is no identification with the character and no resistance to their pain.

I would go as far as saying that the lowest pain is just as perfect as the highest pleasure—when there is a readiness to feel it fully, with an open heart.

The second lie I believed:

THAT ‘I’ EXIST AND HAVE CONTROL

‘ ..but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die’.

As I took a bite of that delicious fruit, I wasn’t just tasting the knowledge of good and bad—I was unknowingly downloading the full Self 1.0 software package, Post-communism Romanian version… complete with an incessant fear of death, shame, guilt, pride, chronic worry, expectation and a lifetime subscription to a sense of lack..

A pseudo-identity began to form, a conceptual sense of self, a belief that there was someone inside the body, looking out through the eyes. A felt sense of me, separate from life—an observer, a thinker, a doer—was apparently born. And with it came the weight. Dense. Heavy. A tightening in the chest, a knot in the gut, a body bracing against life, always feeling unsafe..

With the sense of self came the illusion of control, the belief that I command my thoughts, shape my emotions, and choose my actions. But upon closer inspection, it became clear that thoughts appear uninvited, emotions rise and fall on their own, actions unfold by themselves. The body and mind function automatically like a biological machine, based on genetic wiring and up-to-date conditioning.

Make it stand out.

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.